Dancing Geek

watching d sunset by Gagan Gupta

Tribes eBook

Along with the Tribes book by Seth Godin, there’s a new free eBook going around, written by those who got in early enough to join the triiibes.com website (what is with that – there’s more than one I in tribe, perhaps?)

Anyway, I opened it, I read the first one and had another BAM! moment. BAM! moments are excellent because they help you realise something that you were ignoring before. BAM! moments suck because they bring up all the hurt, fear & shame that where the reason you were ignoring the something in the first place.

BAM! moments are worth writing about…

Worth reading

The first story/post/section in the eBook is called “Tribes You Don’t Want to Belong to” (not to go offtrack, but why the mixed capitalisation? I always find that annoying). It’s written by Jon Morrow and it’s about being disabled. Go read it.

Worth paraphrasing

I’ve picked out the parts that say what I need to say, added or changed parts that I need and removed bits that don’t apply. They ask you not to change it, but I’m not changing the eBook, I’m just writing my own version of one of the stories. I hope that’s ok by the Triiibe.

Tribes You Don’t Want To Belong To

“Sometimes, you don’t get to choose the tribes that you belong to. They choose you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“I’m a member of one of those tribes.”

“But regardless of how we arrived, no one wants to be a member.”

“Some people take it hard. They feel like they’ve been kidnapped from another tribe, the Tribe of Normal People. They feel like everything they were and everything they knew was taken away.

Eventually though, most of us realize that the Tribe of Normal People doesn’t actually exist.”

“It’s strange, but we also tend to stay away from each other, as if being around one another could remind us that we are a member of the tribe. We prefer to forget.

Still, we have common leaders, people that inspire us.”

“For the longest time, I didn’t want to be a part of it.”

“It takes courage to look at yourself and accept your [differences]. It takes courage to love yourself anyway. It takes courage to go beyond merely trying to survive your life and start trying to actually enjoy it.

How could you complain about being in a tribe like that? It’s wonderful.”

“Would I still like to be cured of my [difference]?”

“When you learn to accept yourself, you also learn to accept the tribes you belong to. They don’t have to be rich or clever or even desirable. The fact is, it’s your tribe.

And sometimes, that’s all that matters.”

So what was my point?

Since I’m comparing myself to a disabled person, I want to clarify a couple of things.

My difference isn’t obvious. I can hide my difference if I want to. Some disabled people can too, but not all. I have a choice about letting others who meet me know, but at some point it becomes a choice of lying or being yourself and that isn’t a choice at all.

It affects me everytime I interact with someone. It’s there changing the way I behave, how I connect with people, how I feel. Until I learn completely to not let it define me I will still give it some power over me. In that way I feel it is the same.

I want to know more people in my tribe, but I’m scared by it too.

For both our tribes (Jon’s and mine) I know that there are people who are proud of being a member (heck, I have my moments), and therefore might take offense at the phrase “no one wants to be a member”. The point is that these tribes change the way you view the world – you can’t be in or out of these tribes without changing who you are and how you think. Being in these tribes brings lessons that others don’t always learn, and that’s a bonus, but you can learn these lessons another way, and I therefore think that people (if it were possible to have the choice) would choose the other way. That’s what that phrase means to me. You don’t choose to be a member of the tribe. You find yourself in it and you deal.

I don’t want to offend anyone with this. But I needed to say something.

Relaxing in Maldives by nattu

It never ceases to amaze me how things have acquired negative attachments and we tend not to question them, but I enjoy weeding them out from my point of view when I notice another one and inspect it to find out that the vilified aspect is neither good nor bad, but rather can be both depending on how the person uses it.

So in my fight against the pre-judging of those of us who embrace the lazy way (or path of least resistance) I’d like to explain how the lazy way can teach us a thing or two.

Firstly I want to define what I mean by lazy (definitions are very important to geeks). One definition from WordNet has it as “disinclined to work or exertion” which I would say is accurate depending on your definition of work or exertion. For example, I think of work as anything that I do because I have to, i.e. a chore, and I’m very disinclined towards those – particularly ‘hygiene’ chores like washing up or cleaning floors; all we’re going to do is get them dirty again!

At this point however, comes the lazy way’s clever trick: many chores can be made fun and at this point they cease to be work and become something to enjoy even if the enjoyment is as minor as having a good whistle or letting your mind be calm whilst you do easy, gentle tasks. And yes, I whistle if I’m working in an office sometimes (though I’ve had ‘feedback’ from people who find this distracting so now I take an iPod shuffle and rock out in the office instead!) The point is that if you can focus on the positive aspects of what you’re doing, then you can have fun doing all sorts of other ‘horrible’ jobs – a list of chores turns into a list of games.

Well, ok, no it doesn’t. For one, I still avoid the washing up like a plague, but I’m simplifying. As my A-level Chemistry teacher told me in our first week, “Everything we told you was a lie“. I was shocked, until I realised that ‘education’ was about telling smaller and smaller lies (but with some big ones left in to keep you in check).

The point is that it’s a matter of perspective (now does the photo make sense?!) Without the need for any action (outside of your head) you can make life a lot easier for yourself.

So how have lazy people got it right then? Here’s some definitions of lazy as I see it:

1. wanting to get maximum output for minimum effort
2. only choosing to do something that I get something out of
3. making everything fun and easy

I’m going to expand on some of these in other posts but for now here’s a thought. Lazy on it’s own is neither good nor bad, but if you add something like compassion and integrity into the mix then see where laziness can get you:

1. help the most people possible using the least resources
2. only doing work that benefits people
3. help others to enjoy life and have more spare time/money/energy

So being lazy has its benefits, and in the right hands it can be a powerful tool. I plan on becoming the master of that tool and have thus dedicated my life to practising being lazy every day!

What do you think? I’d really like to know your thoughts on being lazy as a good thing so please leave a comment.

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