So this series is basically all about me and my partner. And just to be clear – I’m the lazy one! We tend to see things from opposite sides which has been madly frustrating at times, but many years down the line we’ve learnt to learn from each other and now it’s beautifully helpful (and madly frustrating – heck that’s never going to change!)I don’t want to wash the dishes, put out the bins, clean the bathroom, …. These are what I call hygiene tasks because they’re all about keeping the status quo – and I have a whole thing about hating status quo anyway (not the band, I don’t listen to them, but I don’t hate them). But to my mind they serve no real purpose, they don’t get you anywhere. Of course, I prefer a clean house to a dirty one, but if someone else is willing to clean it first because I have a higher tolerance for skuzz in the bathroom then all the better for me, right?

This does not make for a happy home however. So after many long conversations about why we do things the way we do and with lots of compassion and tolerance (read British restraint preventing blood-letting and carnage) we get to the point where I sit there waiting to be convinced (which to someone who feels that people should do these jobs through obligation or necessity is hugely annoying, but hey so’s being expected to do something out of obligation when you think like me – such is the colourful tapestry of life). This is the point which can go one of two ways:

1. He gives up and goes and does some chores with an air of passive aggression – which I find totally cute
2. He explains exactly what the costs and benefits are and reasons with me

Not exactly rocket science. It’s win-win for me (but don’t think I get it all my own way, there’s a whole series I could write about trying to convince someone they need to put stuff back where they got it from) because I either get to not do the chore, or I get to learn about why it’s useful. I like learning.

Yes, it’s an effort to have to explain all this. Yes, it seems horribly unfair. But you know what, it works both ways and almost every single time the problem has been assumed knowledge. It’s crazy what we assume other people know, just because we know it. I didn’t know that wiping a shower down after you use it helps to prevent mould (it’s just not the kind of thing that I think about). I didn’t know that dust can be such a pervasive little beastie (I’m not that sensitive to it). I didn’t know that stubble rash is such a pain in the ass (until I got me some – now there’s a lesson to teach your boyfriends).We’ve both learnt different things from our parents (not just the bad habits, useful stuff too). And we both, time after time, forget that the other one might not know it! Meh, we’re both fallible – that much we do remember.

So, to get back to the main point, if you want to get a lazy person to do something then sit down and explain:

• Exactly what is involved, step by step – be very specific. Assume they are intelligent but uninformed.
• Exactly what the positive outcomes will be and how great they will be for you as well as them (gratitude is a big softener of hearts).  Again, be detailed but remember that you’re going for zero assumptions, not zero intelligence.  Don’t patronise, it’s the quickest way to end friendly conversation.

So there you go. Simple, but not so easy. Such are all the great lessons of life.

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