Comments on: Identification, Self expression, Conformity and a rant

By: James | Dancing Geek

James | Dancing Geek — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 18:57:56 +0000

@Joely – I’ve been thinking that I need a new coat for a while, maybe you can inspire me to go and find one.

By: Joely Black

Joely Black — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 18:13:07 +0000

@James I'll have to get somebody to take a photo of the Magnificent Coat. It has its own identity I think. Sometimes I worry I'm not good enough for it, and it's embarrassed by me. Now *that's* a self-esteem problem. Going splat on the internet has done a lot for me. So it's now my journey through the splat, and other associated stories. It's very liberating! Thank you. Joely Black’s last blog post..The after-splat (or) naked in Times Square holding a bullhorn

By: James | Dancing Geek

James | Dancing Geek — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 01:00:10 +0000

@Joely – 1) I now want to see a photo – so not fair!
2) For me the clothing question is very much tied up with the identity question (and my god is it a question)
3) The blog love is entirely mutual, and that’s not a platitude – “splat on the internet” and “screwing this up” actually make me jealous, which if taken the wrong way could sound really sick.

@Elsa – “are we not defined as much by what we don’t tolerate as what we do?” Good (rhetorical) question!

I guess the thing here would be that I can tolerate the clothes themselves, but in the context they make a very loud and obvious message at a time of quiet reflection. It is this (assumed) non-verbal broadcasting over the event which is not tolerated, and it would only make matters worse to act out against it.

By: Elsa

Elsa — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:08:36 +0000

Being offended by the girl at the funeral may be understandable, but ultimately I feel that it is your problem and not hers. For instance, personally I struggle with women wearing a chador because of my cultural beliefs and the clash this embodies. however despite how uncomfortable this might make me feel, I feel that it is my burden to work out. I don't have right to define what anyone else should wear ever.. which I guess could be considered ironic. This can get really deep, because it comes down to cultural tolerance, which we assume is a good thing, but how can we really tolerate without limits? Are we not defined as much by what we don't tolerate as what we do? Ok it got late and now I'm rambling rather than writing my own blog post... bah! Elsa’s last blog post..The Magic of Interface Design

By: Joely Black

Joely Black — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:15:07 +0000

Clothes definitely are part of the velvet red rope. I've always been known for wearing dramatic clothes - my coat and shawl this year have drawn a lot of comments and looks of one sort or another. I've been told it might be attention-seeking but actually, I think clothing often expresses our basic personality. Do we want to play safe and conform? Do we want to be dramatic and creative with our looks? It's a really interesting question. P.S. I love your blog. Urban geek chic! Joely Black’s last blog post..The rules of cricket (in case you didn’t know)

By: James | Dancing Geek

James | Dancing Geek — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 10:09:04 +0000

@UP – mistranslation (UK-CA) me thinks, I meant that it’s a bit pathetic that I get overwhelmed by all the ideas. It doesn’t make me sad, though I do sometimes panic at the enormity of the stuff I don’t get.

I just have to remember that I do have things I can be getting on with before I have everything worked out (cause, you know, that won’t happen). Also need to remind myself that I promised myself a good proper rest in December and not to jump into full throttle mode again.

Karaoke en français! Or, ça serait trop bon!

By: Karen Smith

Karen Smith — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:55:37 +0000

All people are judgemental to various degrees.

When you experience a paradigm shift first hand it’s a lesson you seldom forget. Stephen Covey’s ‘Seven Habits’ has a great example of this when he recalls the story of a man on a tube with his unruly children.

You cannot control how others interpret you, your presentation, your dialogue and your mannerisms. Why should you? If that girl wore that outfit as a sign of respect for some memory she shared with the deceased immediately you change your opinion of her motivation; from disrespect to respect.

I remember a HR director not hiring a brilliant candidate because she wore purple tights. My old boss had multiple piercings in his ears and they nearly missed him… the guy was a genius and highly thought of by his peers and subordinates. I worshipped the ground he walked on.

It doesn’t matter what you do you cannot please everyone and realistically there IS only one person you need to please… yourself.

I had a lady take an instant dislike to me because I was ‘too happy’… should I be morose to please her?

My advice… dress sexy if you want to FEEL sexy, dress powerfully if you want to FEEL powerful. Wear the clothes because of how they make YOU FEEL.

By: Urban Panther

Urban Panther — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 23:24:07 +0000

@James - oh dear no. Please don't be sad! Maybe headachy from all that thinking, but not sad! Think karaoke. Better yet, think the Urbane Lion doing karaoke. Trust me, you can't stay sad listening to that. Okay, a bit headachy perhaps, but definitely not sad. Urban Panther’s last blog post..Birch bark

By: James | Dancing Geek

James | Dancing Geek — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:51:51 +0000

@UP – blog tennis FTW! You and Havi both make me want to write stuff in response with almost every post, but often the effort of working through all the ideas that come up overwhelms me! Kinda sad really

@Wendy – I’ve always been amused by my bf’s choice to have indoor clothes and outdoor clothes. I’ve always just worn what I considered nice clothes whatever I’m doing (though this included DIY and cooking, which I have since learnt is not always a good idea). It makes getting ready to go out a lot easier!

@Alex & Wendy – the comment box should be fixed now, after a little CSS fiddling! Thanks very much for the heads up.

By: Wendy Cholbi

Wendy Cholbi — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:00:23 +0000

(your comment area indeed doesn’t scroll/expand, so I wrote this in a text editor and pasted it in. Hopefully it will all fit. It must be something in your template, I think?)

I love the idea of clothing as (part of) your personal velvet rope. And Alex’s comment that he wouldn’t take any job that required him to wear a suit. I feel the same way about my work, which is mostly done via phone and web so doesn’t require much client meeting anyway. I’m not a suit person, and would resent having to wear one every day (then again, I wouldn’t work at Hooters either, for a variety of reasons, but one of which is the required (lack of) attire).

However, what I’m just starting to realize is that I also want to wear clothes that make me feel (and possibly even look) good — not merely un-bad. Yes, some days this means pajamas until 3pm as I’m madly tweeting/blogging/conference calling. And I’m OK with that. But I found that I was mentally dividing my clothes into “good enough to leave the house in” and “comfy enough to wear at home” categories. Kinda like wearing a mask (physical or psychological) to leave the house. And I want to be the same me, the real me, whether I’m at home or shopping or working or playing with my kids.

So I’m still exploring and discovering what clothing fits the real me. There are definitely clothes I won’t wear, and I have some preferences, but honestly, this fashion-challenged person would pay for some personal clothing advice that really fit the real me. Although I’m still figuring out who that is (well, aren’t we all?).

Thanks for ranting, James!

Wendy Cholbi’s last blog post..Why did we switch to WordPress if we’re always hyping Blogger?