As for letting myself veg out and do nothing, the irony is I’m pretty sure my bf would think I’m a pro, but there’s vegging out, and being ok with it, and it’s the latter that seems to have me stumped. I’m hoping that I can unhook a few of those internal shoulds in the coming weeks.

And as long as you’ve self-identified as a seeker, by definition, you’ll never find what you’re looking for.

What about meditating without any expectations of ANYthing? What about meditating with nothing but not knowing and deep curiosity?

And what about allowing yourself to veg out and do nothing?

As an avid consumer of all things new and interesting, I would love to know more about the Light Body stuff. Thank you.

I will send you the Light Body meditation if you wish. Just let me know. It’s very easy to perfect (almost instant gratification) and creates an out of body experience.

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@Grace – “stop believing what you’re thinking”, now that’s something I need printed out and posted on every surface of the house. Thank you.
My deepest inclination right now – to veg out and do nothing, I just get all guilt-ridden and scared when I think about that. Guess that tells me something, huh.

@Elsa – If flapping is staying calm in a crisis, then I guess my problem is what to do at the other end of the spectrum. When there’s nothing to do I get restless. So maybe this is all just me reacting to the meditation and the letting go, this is me just doing a reflex grabbing action at ‘getting things done’.

@all – thanks for the feedback, it may have taken till 3.40am but I feel a lot better now

You really analyse everything, so I’m thinking of something that isn’t a distraction but that you can’t analyse so much. (I’m sure you’ll find a way

Perhaps come snowboarding with me on Thu evening? The point is you’ve broken your habits and you are doing less… why not try doing something at a complete tangent. Not necessarily going mad on it, just experience it and try it out.

I agree you don’t flap – I hogged all the flappy genes

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Stop thinking so much. And if you can’t do that, then stop believing what you’re thinking.

What’s your deepest *inclination*? Not what do you “want” to do (that usually leads to flippancy from the mind – the one I liked most recently from a client was “Well, how about a harem of 20-somethings?”), but what is your deepest inclination? Not what do you “think” you should do … that just leads back into your mind-loops and mental gymnastics.

It’s no wonder you’re tired and lethargic, with all this thought going on.

The mind is a terrific tool, but it makes a terrible driver of the bus. Try not knowing, and see what happens.

Hm. Guess it was more than just one piece of advice, huh?

I used to be a hardcore runner. I went through a spell of bad training sessions and told my PT I thought something was wrong. He said that you just have times like that, it’s the nature of the beast. Some days, you can meditate for ages and it’s brilliant; other times you feel like you can’t last five minutes. Relax. It’s cool.

I don’t flap either. But meditation is good for picking up on the internal chatter you get that might give you a clue to your patterns and habits. That’s what I use it for. Meditation is amazing for learning all about those niggly things because you have time to pick up on them. You can really hear your inner voice.

Final point: OH BOY are you putting a great deal of pressure on this. All these outcomes and plans and questions about it. What about doing something out of pure curiosity, without measurement, just as an exploration?

I say this partly because I think we tend to get wrapped up in only doing things with concrete, measurable outcomes. People asked why I wrote when I wasn’t getting paid. I trained in Buddhist meditation and did some research around it. In order to get the really hardcore benefits we’re not talking 30 days of practice, we’re talking 30 years. For several hours a day.

The one law I’m most familiar with is that the more you push, the less you seem to move. Again, relax. I’ve met people, very high-power pushy people, who do meditation and approach it like a marathon. It looks like you’re doing the same. Meditation is about letting go, not grabbing hold. So chill. Just really, really chill. Do the thing, and keep doing it every day. Explore it. Magic happens when you stop trying to make it happen by hitting it on the head with a hammer. You’ll find your way.

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