[Note: this is the last of a bunch of thoughts I wrote out between my time away from the internet and my going to see @TheCharmQuark this weekend.  Thing is, I feel that I've moved on from here over the weekend and I want to write about that now too!]

I have this dread fear of moving backwards, or of simply stagnating.  There is a constant drive inside to keep moving, and it is pushing me even when I know that pushing isn’t helpful.  It’s this part of me which resists letting go, and allowing.

What does that even mean?

Well, if I think about it, I figure that I can’t actually go backwards.  I mean, even if I did go back to my first jobs or university or whatever, I wouldn’t been the same person, neither would the people there (even the one’s I’d met before).  So what is it I’m worrying about?

I’m avoiding something

What is it that I so desperately need to do?

Avoid boredom.

Oh, hello old friend.

Time for another story

Another analogy/parable/story came to mind as I was mulling this one over.  Here’s how it went.

There are many people in boats on a river.  Some are paddling frantically to go against the flow, trying to stay where they started to avoid the inevitable (and always ultimately failing), some are paddling frantically to go with the flow, trying to get to their final destination sooner (and often succeeding) and yet others are not paddling at all, but rather coast along on autopilot and are shocked one day to find they have reached the end of their journey with no idea what just happened.

Others however look around them as they float down the river.  They enjoy what the river has to offer them at that particular moment knowing that all things will soon enough be out of reach up the river.  They paddle in order to see something interesting, to help someone out or to seek nourishment, at other times they relax and watch the world around them.  They do not fight the river, enjoying the rapids and the tranquil waters, and making the most of each rather than wishing for the other.

My 5 guides

I have created 5 guides for my journey.  They may help to stave off boredom when it is not necessary (but I will still need to talk to my fear).

• Three cheeky little kids called Exploration, Learning and Fun.

three boys by eren | thisvintagechica

• A lady called Rest

Lady in the Water by Toni Frissell

• And a chap called Service

Fireman by Lucas Janin

I’m not sure what all this means for the moment.  I’m just thinking about the different things that come up for me and noticing them.  And giving them pretty pictures.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Doing what you want vs Being miserable
• Living in the past
• Holy Crap! I know what I want!