So today has been all about passion and starting to have a conversation about in honestly, rather than where I would have previously either shied away from it, despaired at just not knowing it, or pretended it was something obvious without really giving it thought.  I can see the pattern now, that I was avoiding it and avoiding listening to my heart about it, but (as always) I can only see these things in hindsight.  If I’m feeling compassionate towards myself, and I am right now, then I’ll tell myself that this is because once I know something is wrong I do something about it.  But I’ve a feeling it’s more that once I’ve felt capable of dealing with it that I’ve admitted to myself something has been feeling wrong.

Either way, so long as I keep learning new skills for being with this stuff, and practicing my existing ones, then I should be able to make headway in clearing through some of the layers that I’ve put up to protect myself in the meantime.

My current list of passions

So having had a go at listening, and being honest with myself, and not judging myself, I now have a list of times when I believe I have felt truly happy.  The list to date:

• performing dance (but I’m not a dancer, no no no)
• talking about personal responsibility, healing, truth & love (but I’m not a life coach or healer, no no no)
• thinking about systems & planning (but I’m not an analyst, no no no)
• answering people’s questions (but I’m not a consultant, no no no)
• helping people understand each other (but I’m not a mediator, no no no)
• getting clarity through my writing (but I’m not a writer, no no no)

[The bit in brackets is to stop me freaking out.  I'll have to deal with each of those in turn - maybe I'll share that too.]

What I can see here though (ever with the pattern spotting) is two different threads:

1. Things I do for myself: dance & writing
2. Things I do to be a helper mouse: the rest of them

My heart just said a big ‘YES!’

I’m a helper mouse.  That’s my passion.  If I had one day to live, no money and no end of people asking for my time, I would help as many of them as I could before I died.  (Thanks, Dana for helping me notice this via twitter.)

Another friend said once that I should have an Ask James site.  I can not express the awesomeness of this idea.  And I avoided thinking about it for a long time because, well, see above re: not listening to my heart.  Of course, I have no idea how that would work, but the idea is awesome.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Following a thread as far as I can
• Getting the creative juices going
• Passionate about human connection