I got pointed to a post by Steve Pavlina recently called ‘leveling up’.  There was a rather salient paragraph which I apparently missed last time I read it (that or he edited it, but I’m thinking it was me).  It goes like this:

If you’re struggling to figure out your life purpose and/or to choose a career direction, have you learned the lessons of being directionless? Do you feel grateful for the freedom and limitlessness of options you have right now? Or do you still resist your current experience of reality?

Do I resist my current experience of reality?

Well, let’s see…am I constantly trying to work out where I ought to be and get there, rather than being where I am?  Do I consistently arrive late and leave late because I don’t want whatever I’m doing to end, even though time has kept on ticking?

Gee, can you guess the answer to those?

So yeah, now I’m asking myself, what am I learning right now?

Do I feel grateful for the freedom and limitlessness of options I have right now?

Ah.

You mean rather than spasing out in terror at the fact that I have so many options that I completely freak out and get dizzy and feel nauseated?

Well, it’s true that after my weekend Shiva Party with Joely I realised the universe of options could be explored and wasn’t suffocating me.  But do I actually feel grateful?  Now that’s a good question.

Being grateful for where I am right now

It is like a step beyond acceptance.  It’s seeing the lessons and benefits in where I am and appreciating them.  Let’s see if I can find any:

• Practice getting guidance from myself
• Very few time constraints, freedom to just do whatever I’m feeling like at the time
• Experimenting with meditation, shiva nata, journaling, blogging – supporting structures
• Seeing that no structure or schedule/habits can leave you floating, learning the benefits of some sense of ritual and repeated behaviour
• Getting to spend lots of time with the rabbits
• Getting to spend lots of time in the garden and kitchen and reading and playing piano and going on blogs and twitter and doing bodywork
• Getting to see the patterns that come up when there’s nothing else to occupy my thought space
• Fewer distractions means less hiding from my thoughts – mindfulness is easier when you’re on your own in a quiet room

Am I grateful though? There’s still a part of me that desperately wants to be doing great work already.  Doing Epic Shit as Charlie puts it.  The irony here could well be that it’s not until I release my grip on the need to do great work that I will be able to listen to what that work will be.

So fine, I spend some more time learning to let go.  Some more time just being.

Ack – being!  One little word filled with so much hard work.

Still, unless I were to completely cut off from the world (which, eww, no) I will keep getting distracted by the fun stuff going on around me (the same way that a TV screen showing a story can completely capture my attention in seconds flat in such a way that I have a reputation for it amongst those who have seen it to believe it).  I keep practicing my mindfulness with this (and the tv thing) and try to just be.  Even though I still get confused as to how to be and do at the same time.

Being when I’m sat on my ass in a warm room is easy.  Which reminds me, I haven’t taken the load out of the washing machine yet.  TTFN

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Following a thread as far as I can
• There should be a meaning to life
• It’s ok to have the same stuff keep coming up?!