Dancing Geek

Sonia‘s title of her latest post: Compassionate Selfishness (and the post, but mostly reading the title after reading the post) reminded me of a scientific theory around evolution.

It talked about how the best way for an ecosystem to thrive was for each creature to be selfish.  It seems counter-intuitive, but it makes sense when you think about how it would work.  More rabbits = more food for foxes.  More foxes = more dung for plants, etc. etc.

Yes, eventually there’s too many foxes for food and they start to die out, but that’s where intelligence comes in.  As thinking beings we can be aware of this pattern and work, in our own best interests, to improve the lot of other species on whom we depend.  As we get better at realising we depend on so many, we get better at looking after the planet as a whole.  Not because we suddenly love every living creature but because we realise that if they die, we die.

Compassion is selfish.  There’s no such thing as altruism.  Again, these are not new ideas.  People do good because it makes them feel better, happier, more alive and connected, etc.  They do good because they hope to spread a culture of helping those in need, in case they too are in need one day.  There are other better, less cynical sounding, and probably longer explanations.  But this is one way of seeing the world that has yet to reveal a great flaw in it’s logic to me.

The what now?

The Wisdom of the Ages written as a school science report.

Yeah, exactly, but that’s what happens when you live inside my head.  I’ve broken it up with lots of pictures because a) that’s what school kids do these days, and b) it’s kinda long and chock full of goodness, so you don’t want to skip too much text.

Hypothesis

I will be truly happy all the time if I shed my negative mental models.

Happiness

• freedom to act from my truest best intentions for myself and others
• freedom to enjoy others company, giving value & being still
• freedom to accept all of what is, including myself

Negative mental models

• fear
• limiting beliefs
• negative prejudice & assumptions

(Take a moment to think about that while you look at this picture.)

Proof

Happiness is subjective, no objective proof can be given.  But if it is true for me then I can prove it to myself by trying it and testing the results.

Corollaries

• There is nothing one can receive to make one happy (wealth, love, respect)
• Happiness is not the result of an action
• Unhappiness is the result of certain thoughts
• There is nothing I can do to be happy except stop doing that which makes me unhappy

Methodology

The simple (but not necessarily easy) breakdown of steps to happiness.

• To be happy more often I need only change my thoughts.
• To change my thoughts I need only be aware of them and inquire about them.
• For the change to become lasting and effortless I need only do this repeatedly until I create a new pattern.
• To sustain this repetition I need only motivation and energy.

If I follow this reasoning in reverse I get the way to greater happiness:

1. Motivation and energy, which supports
2. Repetition of inquiry about thoughts

This leads to new mental models and if the hypothesis is subjectively correct, then I will be happier.  If I am not happier, it is subjectively false.

Step 1: Motivation and energy

My motivation

If I can truly yearn for the freedoms I listed under happiness I will have my motivation.  If I remember them, I yearn for them.

Energy

I need to balance the expenditure and replenishment of my mental, physical & emotional energies.  As well as refuelling these energies, greater efficiency in their use can improve performance, as can the quality of the fuel.

Refuelling: Food, sleep and the support of friends*

Efficiency: (reduce losses) Warmth, safety & comfort.
(more effective burning) Fitness, mental agility & emotional intelligence.

Quality of fuel: Quality of food (diet), quality of sleep and quality of friends and your relationship with them.

*Friends can include family and partners

Step 2: Repetition of inquiry about thoughts

Bringing awareness to my thoughts

• Shiva Nata
• Conversations with myself
• Mindfulness & witnessing

Inquiring about my thoughts

• Byron Katie
• Conversations with myself
• Exploring alternative mental models (e.g. the benevolent Universe)

Example thoughts to inquire about

• There is something that will make me happier if I get more of it
• That was bad and shouldn’t have happened
• People will not like me because I am selfish
• I should do things for others to be happy
• I’m incomplete, unfinished or broken

Notes

It is a practice, not a goal

I do not complete tasks so that when I have finished them & completed 100% I will be happy, but until then I am not.  Rather, the more I repeat these tasks the happier I will be overall.  There is no end point, except possibly death, and, as the small print goes, my happiness may go down as well as up, so I must keep my investment working over the long term if I seek the best returns.

Photo credits:

• Student in Class by foundphotoslj
• freedom by Guille
• Where thoughts are legible in the eye… by carf
• Resurrection by Untitled blue
• Pebble Art by pshutterbug
• I’m thinking of… by gutter
• Minimal perfection by Yago1.com

Bad news

I got the Yin Yoga DVD for Christmas (my mum found a UK supplier, which totally shamed me because I never even thought of looking!).  I tried it a few times and love it, it’s not focussed on muscles and strength but I’ve over 20 years of dance lessons which all focussed on muscles and strength, so I needed something new.  It’s about connective tissues, and I’m intrigued to see if it will be able to loosen up my hip joints (or whether my bone structure just says no to that happening).

I’ve tried each of the series on the DVD, but (as I just mentioned) I’m interested in the hip one mostly.  So last week I got it out again after a bit of a break because I was starting to feel a bit more active.  I’m getting a bit more of a feel for balance between getting stuff done and spending time reflecting. I did the hip series, but this time I got a tightness in my chest.  Now this feeling is not new.  I sometimes get it when stretching my glutes.  Well, I was getting it in a number of different positions, so I just rubbed my chest which seems to help relieve it, came out of the pose if it got too much, and kept going.

I then spent the week feeling crappy and run down.  I look ill, though I’ve no yucky symptoms; my calves and biceps ache (despite not really using them) and I’m tired.

Good news

It turns out that the tightness in my chest is a message that crap is being shifted, and I just worked it out.  This is a good thing, because now I have a clear way to query how my body is doing. I can do yoga in the future and if I feel the tightness coming on I can reduce what I’m doing to loosen up a little without killing myself for a week, and if it doesn’t come on I know that I can really release into the postures (still being careful of course).

One more bit of info in the journey of learning to listen to myself.