paint fragment from Belmont Art Park by other things

Oh, it’s good to be back writing again. Being ill sucks in itself, but when I don’t write for a while the panic demons creep right back in. Fortunately I have some really cool friends who can help. This post is the result of a few different interactions with friends today now that my ear has stopped trying to swell up and crack my head open from the inside (hurrah!)

My prayer to the Internet gods

I’ve had a new suggestion come to me today.

Well, actually, it’s not new at all. I’ve been receiving this piece of advice for months. But today I finally got so fed up with chasing some ‘Life Purpose’ that I wrote a private blog post to the Internet gods (my geek version of prayer?) asking for advice and this post by Jen Louden, Comfort Queen, was sat in my news reader straight after. Thank you, Internet gods!

And the gods answered…

The message that I received was this:

Rather than getting all worked up about some over-arching, all-encompassing, life-justifying, direction-giving, perfect compass that will see me through to happiness for the rest of my life (because, yup, that’s really what it was becoming in my head) I need to learn to ‘let go’. To ‘go with the flow’.

This just feels true and indeed it meets my quick check criteria (simple + difficult = probably true). However, the idea of actually letting go is stomach churningly terrifying!

But fear is my friend now…right?

Well, I happen to have learnt a lot about my fear recently and have some lovely stuff for dealing with panic. So you might be fooled into thinking that I’d be all prepared and ready to face the future, but it turns out that I’m still petrified. From this comes three thoughts:

1. It only slightly helps to realise that this is probably what all these cool people who write about being terrified are on about.
2. It helps a bit more to realise that this fear has always been there but now I’m finally starting to communicate with more and more of my bigger fears rather than ignore them.
3. The rest is about making it work for me by asking for as much support as possible.

Let’s make this one big happy love fest shall we?

So now that they’re out there, how’s about I try and turn those three into happy-smiley-bouncy-ness? Here we go:

1. I’m totally relating to some of the coolest people that I know and look up to!
2. I’m making loads of progress and having big breakthroughs!
3. I get to talk to all my cool friends about what I’m doing and they can help me!

Ahhhhh, yes, I’m glad to be blogging again – muuuuuuuuch better

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Living in the past
• Holy Crap! I know what I want!
• Fear of biggifying