Yup, I swore in the title.  Guess that makes me a bad person.  Or just someone who’s been hanging around at IttyBiz too much recently.

But more importantly, my whole ‘Oh My God, I don’t know what I want to do with my life’ thing is over.  Yup, just like that.  Which isn’t to say that I won’t feel that way again, or doubt the decisions that I’ve made now, but that’s the other part to it all.  The ‘it never ends but that’s ok‘ part.

So why am I absolutely bricking it?

Well, the short answer is, now that I know what I want to do, I’m left with the getting on with it part.  And damn it that’s some scary stuff right there!

So I’ve tweaked it out in little bits here and there.  I’ve spewed a lot of the emotional gunk out in a more private space with some trusted friends and I’ve had small conversations with some people who aren’t very close to me or my life but who can tell me about what’s involved.  However, I’m still feeling a big wall of fear holding me back.  I’ve done a little sculptural planning, scaffolding if you like, and thrown away the bits where I started to overplan the details and minutae.  The getting stuff done part, however, continues to elude me.

In fact today I’ve done lots of important stuff, none of which relates in the slightest to my big 3 goals I have written down beside me.  They’re all maintenance and hygiene tasks as it were.  Washing up, laundry, library renewals, car tax.  Oh yes, all necessary, and all doing nothing to move me forwards.

So what next?

My trusty question comes to help me make some progress.  Well, for one, I’m acknowledging that I’m procrastinating here.  I know what to do about procrastination.  I have some awesome resources on it.  So one thing I can do is work on the procrastination, but there’s a part of me that is sat there going “Oh please! That’s just another form of procrastination!  Just get on with it!” and I’m inclined to agree.

“Isolation is the dream killer” is a favourite quote of Barbara Sher’s, by which I mean she uses it all the time on twitter.  So I’m thinking I need to get outside help with this one.  Tomorrow I should be seeing someone (i.e. unless plans change, unforeseen circumstances and all that) who can perhaps help me out with one.  The other I friends online who can give me a push.  The third, well actually that one I am working on a little already, and again I know people that can help me with it.  Time to get some gentle butt kicking me thinks.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Where I release my agoraphobia of the mind
• A pile of yuck I’ve been ignoring
• Accountability & responsibility