Dancing Geek

So one of the big things that I have had a hang up over is the P-word.  At what point have I earned the right to use it?  Will people judge me for using it too soon, or too late?  Will someone call me a liar?  Will I get stones thrown at me and chased out of town?

Yes, the P-word has a lot of emotion attached to it.

The P-word is <shudder> ‘Professional’.

Well, I figured that one reasonable marker was that once I’d been paid to work in dance then I could use it.  Except I’ve been paid to teach a number of times before now and I still didn’t feel I could use it.

I got as far as semi-professional, or even part-time-professional (I know, I’m totally making these up – that’s what crazy does to you), but mostly not out loud to other people, just as a label for myself in my head.

Note to self: labels are not that useful unless being used to provide simplified ways for people to understand something quickly.  In your head they just mess you up!

The good news

Cause I like to try and end my posts on an uplifting note, if only for my own sanity.

I recently had the privilege to work with a group of students of varied ages and dance experience.  For two sessions of 3 hours.  I don’t remember being happier, and there was a big part of the final ‘click’ that started to break open the mess around the P-word.  Note I said “started”, I’m still calling the P-word after all.

At the end of the first session I realised I had hit what I termed the ‘holy triumvirate’ of career path hunting:

• I liked it
• I was good at it
• Someone was willing to pay me to do it

The first one was easy to spot – I was bouncing around the place, chattering my head off or simply dancing around in the space enjoying moving.

The second one came later when I realised that I had real ideas and experiences to share when asked questions or facing problems.  I’m rarely lost for something to say, but to actually feel I had something meaningful and valuable to offer – now that felt good!

The final one was the simplest one.  I was there as an invited guest artist, they were offering me money to be there.  I’d have totally done it for free too, but I ended up walking away with a cheque in my hand and big ass grin on my face.

Frankly, when I had this realisation (right about the time I read this awesome Ittybiz post) I was actually a little disappointed not to hear angels singing and blinding lights – but that’s what a childhood spent in places like Sunday school will do to your expectations.

And next?

Ah yes, my brain’s immediate and wholly annoying questioning of where this is going to lead.

Well, I don’t know.  That’s been one of my big lessons this year.  And I’m still working on being ok with that.  In the meantime, I try and taper the heart-exploding panic of not having my life mapped out for the next 20 years with the reminder that 1) having it mapped out would cause me to die of boredom, and 2) I’m actually making progress here.

I managed to double up the awesome this Friday by travelling to Lincoln to see both my Dad, and Retina’s latest piece, Antipode.  Having been lucky enough to work with Filip (company director) on a couple of different occasions in Derby it was great to see him in the Q&A afterwards as well – bonus!

The piece consists of four male dancers and a double bass player.  Whilst the guys are doing their thing on stage, the musician is playing, recording and mixing loops of his music, percussion and other clever tricks real time – an absolute treat for the audience (and probably the dancers too).

The dancing itself was mostly gorgeous to watch, and pretty full on for the whole hour.  Cue sweat patterns – all part of being a male dancer though, at least we don’t have to pretend that we don’t sweat.  There were the odd times when the unison wasn’t together, I caught a couple of moments where someone stopped to wait for the others to catch up and so on, but my Dad never saw any of that so maybe I’m being too picky.

The lifts were great fun, and even managed to perplex me as to how it was done on a couple – wonderful and frustrating at the same time.  The duets in general were excellent fun to watch and you could see the smiles on the dancers’ faces.  They even admitted afterwards that part of that was having to egg each other to keep going as energy levels started to flag.

Having 4 guys dance together was brilliant for me, as I got to see the differences between them and how, whilst I might not have the facility of one or the strength of another, they each had different limitations and natural abilities that made them unique and I’m no different.  I will admit to being horribly jealous at times, they’re all a few years younger than me, thus managing to make me feel old at 28, but mostly I was inspired and determined to find/create more opportunities to dance.

There’s only a couple of more dates down South to catch this, but it’s worth it – and if you don’t manage to see this one then check out Retina anyway.  They’ve been producing consistently great quality dance for a while now, and being based in the East Midlands it’s a real treat for us to have this based in our region, rather than down in London.

If you haven’t heard of it, Primer is an independent film from 2004 about time travel.  It’s science fiction, but there’s no flashing lights, special effects, smoke or aliens.  Instead, this film is about the people in it and their relationships, with time travel.

Purposefully obscure, from technical jargon to non-linear plot, it’s a feeding ground for geeks and nerds to compete over who has mastered full understanding of the film.  But don’t worry, if you’re just interested in good film then still check it out, you don’t need to understand all the details to get the drama, and indeed the vague feeling of WTF? the film creates is part of the intention of the director/writer/actor/composer/pretty much everything else guy, Shane Carruth.

Of course, if you do decide you want to pick it apart, there’s plenty of help – including infographics which are one of my favourite things.  An alternative version, which first got the film on my radar, is from one of my favourite webcomics, XKCD.

Another reason to like this film is the fact that it’s free.  You can watch it right now on Google video.  It lasts an hour and a quarter, will make you use your brain, and whilst it isn’t a barrel of laughs type of a film, it’s a more grounded take on how discoveries are made, exploited and then the consequences that follow.  Indeed, trying to work out what’s right or wrong in this context quickly becomes confusing, a worthwhile experience for anyone I think.

Go watch it, don’t worry about the plot too much, and enjoy the experience of being uncertain.